a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
