Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
