You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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