I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
