Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
