have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
