O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
