I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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