This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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