I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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