A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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