He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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