you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
