Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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