I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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