i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
