Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
