I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
even my farts smell like vagina
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
