it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
