she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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