Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just invented taco cereal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
