It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
