hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
