My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
