you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
