EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
