I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
