I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
