wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
