is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
