dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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