Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize