I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
