You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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