dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
