The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
