Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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