He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
