what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
