i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I came so hard my ears popped.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
