He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
