She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
