The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
