I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
