Michael Bay diarrhea
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
