I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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