A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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