her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
