I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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