Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
