I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
