its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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