Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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