my sisters under your porch take her home
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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