Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
