I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
