P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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