i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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