I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
