And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
