just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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