either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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