I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
