We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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