Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
